ARMINIA

I got stupid, came on fast.
Too fast, you thought, to ever last.
Did all you could to hold me back--
Took in every bit of slack.
Didn't matter, dumb I guess,
Hoping someday you'd say, yes.

The cast, the look from panda eyes
Has me spellbound. Telling lies
To say I'll be the same again--
It's up to you to tell me when
The spell is through, or let me in
And take me where I've never been.

Embarrass easy, gentle, kind,
Laugh at silly things I say.
Ask you out and you don't mind
But tell me, sorry, anyway.
I've heard "no" more times from you
Than from my mom when I was two.

Long thick coffee-colored hair
Falling nearly to your waist,
I'd nuzzle in it anywhere
To kiss your skin, again, and taste
The sweetness taking careful nips--
And nuzzle till I found your lips.

Down on me your hair cascades--
That's when this dream I dream fades,
Nothing like it close to real.
All it is--a dream to feel.
A dream, though, I dream all day long,
Wears me out. The dream goes strong.

20 years is too much time
Between us when you're in your prime.
Was fool enough to try it, though--
Felt too much to let it go.
Feel my age, not acting it,
Fell in love and felt like shit.

I could have seen her as my daughter;
Instead thought I was Romeo,
Romancing her on moonlit water--
Not so smooth, against the flow.
Should have known I'd sink and drown
Letting my dreams pull me down.

You beckon on the one hand,
Stop me with the other.
Tell me I don't understand,
You listen to your mother.
Then turn it up one more degree--
Say you have a crush on me.

Once she fell in love and lost
Her trust in men forever;
Someone who had doublecrossed
Her, afterwards she never
Felt like being with a man,
Till me, she said, but then she ran.

With the flow
And never lie;
Tell me no,
Your mother's why.
Careful how you look, behave--
Men out looking for a slave.

Men give you the eye a lot.
You must have been distracted
And laid your hand on something hot.
Surprised how you reacted--
Said I love you, you said quit,
And then reached for your oven-mitt.

Of all the reasons we're apart,
The one that's most unreal
Is you're afraid that if we start
To date we'll start to feel
Affection. And, what then? you say.
It's too late, I'm on my way.

Strongminded in more ways than I,
Twice as stubborn, too.
Won't let go or get so high
That you'd do something I might do--
Like fall in love and face the gods
That govern summer/autumn odds.

Movie stars and politicians,
Generals who got rich,
Got around to propositions,
Propositions which
She'd heard before, she'll hear again:
Have I a chance? If so, say when.

Made you jealous, big mistake,
Won't play those games with you again.
Panic that my heart might break
To hear you say it's over when
What all we had when it began
Promised all that heaven can.

She stays away, I stay away,
Think that's the way she wants it.
But my mind has tricks to play
With fantasies that haunt it--
That she, like me, want us to be
In one anothers' arms and free.

I've fantasies: she wants to wait,
See if love is going to last;
Fantasies that she'll create
A time and place to take us past
Obstacles we're facing now--
Fantasies that she knows how.

It's more than likely I'm a fool;
Won't believe my ears--or face
Reality. Your love turned cool
And I just have to learn my place--
Brother, friend, let you go now,
But like a fool I don't know how.

My love's a flame I can't put out;
I dowse it with reality.
It still burns bright. And more devout
Than a kneeling devotee.
Love is love, and there's no cure--
And no defense against it's lure.

Woke up crying in my sleep--
A dream I dreamt expects too much.
All I've ever had I'd sweep
Aside to feel your fingers touch
My face and see your pretty smile
Before we kissed a long, long while.

Can't get to your gentle heart,
Can't get past the guarded part
Where I can touch you so you'd know
The love I have for you won't go
Away, not now, not ever, yet
A dream's as close as you will let

Me--